Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some of the most common questions folks ask about the Deconstruction Doulas.
Understanding What We Do
What is faith deconstruction?
Faith deconstruction is the process of critically examining the beliefs, practices, and systems you were taught – often within a religious context – and reassessing what's true, what's harmful, and what you want to carry forward. We've written more extensively about it on our blog. You're also welcome to schedule a consultation call with one of our volunteers if you want to have a conversation!
What does "deconstruction doula" mean?
'Doula' is a Greek word that means 'female servant.' These days, we use it to describe a non-medical professional who provides emotional, physical, and social support to a new mother through the often anguishing process of labor. "Deconstruction doulas" exist to do the same thing, but for people going through the grieving process of recovering from spiritual abuse, or dealing with profound disillusionment as our institutions fail around us. We often call this process "deconstruction." (You can call it whatever you like, though!)
Do you provide clinical therapy?
No, we do not provide clinical/professional counseling or therapy. While our programs and services have been reviewed by trauma-informed mental health professionals, the services we provide are best described as "peer support." We routinely encourage folks who enter the Deconstruction Doulas ecosystem to seek out professional help to deal with the myriad mental health issues that can arise over the course of a deconstruction journey. We have religious trauma-informed mental health professionals we are happy to recommend.
Do I have to be coming from a Christian background to participate?
At the moment, we're best equipped to help folks leaving high-control Protestant environments, but we have served Catholic, Mormon/LDS, Jehovah's Witness, and Jewish Roots survivors, too. If you're unsure, reach out via this intake form, and one of our volunteers will respond to see if we can help.
I don't know if what I experienced was spiritual abuse. Can you help?
That's ok! It's very common for survivors to be unsure whether or not their suffering "qualifies." But as we often say, if you sought us out, it was for a reason. We'd suggest scheduling a call with a volunteer to talk over your experience. You can also reach out via this intake form.
What is spiritual abuse?
Defining spiritual abuse begins with the noun, 'abuse.' The word 'abuse' literally means "the improper use of something, or someone." For instance, one can abuse substances, or a spouse, or an animal. Spiritual abuse is what happens when faith or spirituality is weaponized to do harm to a person -- whether this happens intentionally, or unintentionally.
Beliefs and Outcomes
Will you try to keep me in my faith/get me to reject my faith?
Neither. We believe in the competency of individuals to make their own decisions regarding their faith. All we're going to do is provide resources, community, and support as you navigate your journey.
What if I want to stay in my faith?
Deconstruction is not the same thing as deconversion. We won't pressure you either way, but if staying in your faith is one of your goals, we will absolutely work with you within those parameters.
I'm angry at God/the church. Is that safe here?
Yes. We believe all emotions represent an opportunity to learn. Yours are safe here.
Are you Christians?
A wide range of spiritual "landing places" are represented among our "deconstruction doulas." Some are (reconstructed) Christians. Others are deconverted and agnostic, or atheist. We believe that individuals are competent to make their own decisions about faith, and all our volunteers are committed to this idea. We will not pressure you to adopt our views. We are here to provide safety, not conclusions.
I've heard that deconstruction just means that you want to tear down the church/the Gospel/Christianity.
This is a falsehood. "Deconstruction" sounds scary, but we use it to refer to a careful process of measuring one's beliefs against reality, and removing that which is harmful. We "deconstruct" lies, not the truth. We "deconstruct" oppressive systems, not healthy communities. We "deconstruct" abusive leadership practices, not the committed intergrity of spiritually healthy ones.
I'm scared. What if I throw out truth along with the lies?
That's where a deconstruction doula comes in! When a person experiences abuse, spiritual injuries develop. And just like physical injuries, sometimes that means we have to stop activity so that we can heal. We exist to help you do this safely, and return to activity at a pace that you can handle.
Cohorts and Practical Questions
How much do your services cost?
All of our services and educational products have a suggested donation amount, but this should never be regarded as an obstacle to signing up; it's entirely voluntary.
What's the time commitment for a cohort?
Depends. Peer-support cohorts usually run between 12-14 weeks, depending on the needs of individuals, holidays, etc. Topical Cohorts, like Deep Dives, are shorter, lasting anywhere from 2-6 weeks, depending on how much time is needed to cover the material.
What happens in a peer-support cohort?
[coming soon]
Are cohorts confidential?
Yes. We take confidentiality very seriously, and we require all cohort participants to sign an agreement to not share one other's personal information or stories outside the group.
What's the difference between peer-support cohorts and topical cohorts?
Peer-support cohorts (we call them Level One cohorts) differ from topical cohorts in that the former are aimed at building community, examining our individual and shared experiences, and laying a foundation for an identity on the other side of spiritual abuse. These groups are usually led by Margaret and a volunteer we usually call a "den mom."
Topical cohorts examine specific theological systems, doctrines, traditions, and practices. These are much more focused groups getting into the nitty-gritty of deconstruction and, for those who so desire, reconstruction. These groups are led by volunteer doulas and outside experts, where available.
Can I participate if I still attend a church/faith community?
Yes. A large share of the survivors who come to us for help do so while still attending a church or faith community. The point of what we do isn't to get people to leave their church or faith. Our job is to help you find the spiritual and physical safety to process whatever you need to work through.